The Cameron Method - Newsletter Archive
21 March, 2001 - A Better Way Than Violence
Inner Mind Update is the online newsletter published by Sharon & Clark Cameron to support your benefiting from the Releasing Strategy, which is part of The Cameron Method Mind Change System. We focus on key developments and challenges of the mind, current affairs and life itself.
The Cameron Method is available through personal counseling (phone and in person), CompuMind software, cassette tapes, the book Designing Your Heart's Desire: The Releasing Strategy and corporate workshops. For more information, see http://www.CompuMind.com and http://www.CompuMind.com/corporate/ for workshops and other corporate applications.
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A Better Way Than Violence
When you are in an argument and think you have your adversary clearly defined, what happens when a point is clarified and the other person convinces you that he or she did not do or say (or think) what you had believed? Or, suddenly you can see their point of view?
Recently having been in this situation, I (Sharon) have to admit it was a sudden, strange feeling. Possibly, just possibly, this person was not as I had imagined. And my case against them was in danger of not being totally so.
So, I had to make the decision: was it more important that I be right, regardless of the facts, or was it important for my own sense of integrity that I recognize the new truth as I now could see it?
I finally realized that I did believe the person and cleared that block to our relationship. The other person also acknowledged mistaken perceptions and slowly we could become accepting of how those mis-perceptions were made on both sides.
This same “coming 'round” is needed whether it is in international negotiations, workplace disagreements, mate relationships, or other family relationships.
First, we must be willing to get together and confront our worst beliefs, in a neutral setting. Of course, there needs to be a good reason to do this. If it is not someone or something important to us, we won't bother.
Next, we must not run away once we get together. (No walking out before we do confront things.) We must be willing to listen to the other’s perception of what the problem looks like. We must also have a chance to give our view of the problem.
Finally, we must focus on one small point at a time where there can be agreement, until we can expand those agreements to confront the major ones.
It is great to have a moderator who will keep asking “Okay, what do we need to get this point cleared up?” In lieu of another person however, you can write this down and refer to it often. And, if that point keeps being impassible, move to another and come back to it later.
What a wonderful “different response" this could be instead of so much violence in our society if everyone, starting at the youngest ages, could be taught how to successfully negotiate disagreements in a sound, respectful way.
Violence often comes from a thought such as: “Someone is attacking me, and I must do something about it.” Our society teaches that violence will settle things. It is throughout our movies, news, and system of laws, so it won't go away soon. It is also hooked up to the most primitive response in the brain. To progress in civilization, we must find a better way to react.
Right now, let's work on handling violence and the emotions leading up to it within ourselves. If we do that, we can be a good role model for our children, and personally, be way ahead of the game to create all kinds of better relationships in our lives.
Try some releasing statements here to help yourself along the way. Repeat these statements aloud just until you can say them easily.
- I release my belief, perception and judgment that I have to overcome my adversary in order to find resolution.
- I release all unwillingness to look for the best solution for all concerned.
- I release all resistance to finding agreement with people I disagree with.
- I release my belief perception and judgment that I can only win if someone else loses.
- I release my belief, perception and judgment that I can't listen to someone I disagree with.
- I release all fear that I will lose my integrity if I listen to other sides of an argument.
- I release all fear of looking for common ground.
- I release all unwillingness to settle an argument amicably.
- I release my belief, perception and judgment that I can't take all points of view into consideration and work to find agreement.
- I release all unwillingness to look for peace with integrity for all concerned.
- I release my belief, perception and judgment that I can't look for the good of all concerned in resolving an argument.
- I release all resistance to honoring my adversaries.
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